Let me explain. Aside from my immediate family and 192 new friends and followers that have found me on the Internet no one knows I have been writing a blog. Not my extended family, not my closest friends not even my hair colorist.. I don’t know why I’ve been so hesitant to go public. This is my version: I think it’s possible I’ve been nervous about being judged, mostly unfavorably. Is it good enough? Is it witty? Too light, too serious, too “who does she think she is?” I have three Liebster Awards, a Creative Blogger Award and a Versatile Blogger Award. It has been amazing to be recognized and humbling too. Awards and nominations leave me striving to be better and to never coast. I initially told myself I would go public once I had 100 followers. I figured there was safety in numbers and if 100 people thought I was worthy of following then surely my friends would be supportive. This is what it looked like when I reached that goal: I could see the leap from of faith I was asking myself to take. I didn’t jump. Instead, I renegotiated the terms. 200. When I would reach 200 followers my self-esteem would be so high that announcing my blog would be easy. Ha! As I write this I am at 199. To some blogs here on WordPress that is laughable. There are blogs who are so much younger than mine who have triple the readership. There are some who have less. Aside from this target I set for myself I never otherwise pay too much attention to the numbers and the stats. Now though, I am close. Again.
I do not want to run scared, but I’m too scared to run! To take the leap or not take the leap? That is the real question!
Is there any way to guarantee success? No, of course not! That what taking a leap is all about! Those who know me, however, know that I have very rarely ever leapt anywhere! I’m way too much a control freak for that and putting this out there leaves me with no control. One person, just one more person puts me at this precipice and this weighty decision. Somehow I am coming to believe that I have more faith in those who I wish to share this with than in myself. I am also coming to believe that is ok. So true! If not now, when? At 300 or 500? When will it be enough? I have been preparing for this forever. I have been writing forever. Maybe not writing well, perhaps not clever enough, possibly not so amusing, conceivably dull but I have been writing. Incredibly 199 people believe in noplainjanie. Oh crap, I haven’t been counting ME! I’m at 200 if I count me and why shouldn’t I? So I respectfully ask you, my new and my old readers: Don’t judge too harshly. For those that are new to noplainjanie start at the about page up top and then click here. Thanks for reading and following. Janie